Ep57: Nick ruins a perfectly good cookie; Evelyn escaped the golden handcuffs.

In this episode of the RJP, Nick shares the time he learned that a beloved cookie recipe should have limits. Then Evelyn tries to explain the biggest leap of faith she has ever taken: walking away from an 18-year teaching career without a tidy plan waiting for her on the other side.

There are questionable baking choices, complicated identities, creative hunger, and one extremely sincere attempt to say goodbye to a system that had stopped fitting. 

As usual, democracy remains in a yet-to-be-determined state, but at least nobody dared to put Cool Ranch Doritos in the Constitution. 

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Want to get in touch with Nick & Evelyn? 

Email them at reversejackass@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

It's remote.

SPEAKER_02 0:08

Uh, I am really excited for your podcast topic today, and I don't even know what it is.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

And and you never will. No, I'm just kidding. Because now that I know I have that power, now I'm just gonna withhold, withhold, withhold. Okay, you ready to start? Yes. Okay, folks, folks from both slash all countries. Welcome back to the reverse jackass podcast. I'm so glad to see you here. I'm Nick. With me as always is Evelyn, the Canadian Blade. Evelyn, say hello to the people.

SPEAKER_02 0:38

Oh, hello, everyone. Just we're so glad to be back.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

I'm so glad to be back.

SPEAKER_02 0:42

Why did I sound so um tired there? Yeah, it was it was like labored. Like I'm really ah, everyone.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

I'm just uh here we go again, said your voice, which like 10 seconds ago, folks. She was just telling me how excited she was to be here. But yeah, the moment you all showed up and we were suddenly, suddenly sad Evelyn comes back up. Here's the thing, and I hate to break your heart here. People don't like sad Evelyn. You know what? I don't like sad Evelyn.

SPEAKER_02 1:10

Sad Evelyn's one of my least favorite Evelyn's.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

Sad Evelyn doesn't sell podcast advertising space. Sad Evelyn doesn't bring in the Queat sponsorship dollars.

SPEAKER_02 1:20

No, if we ever get sponsored by Queat, uh I am and I get to read the ads in our podcast, I'm gonna read it like it's the most laborious thing I've ever done in my entire life. Yeah. Or even any ad, not just Queat, just any ad. Like we get something from you know, LA Fitness, I'm gonna be like, are you uh are you feeling fat in the new year? Yeah, join the club. Anyway, speaking of clubs you could join.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

Use promo code psycho fitness. I'll spell that for you. P isn't Paul. S isn't Sam. Y? S in you? C isn't Charlie. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. You can commit to the bit, Nick. No, we're gonna lose listeners. People don't want to. In real life, I would have made you sit through and listen to me doing that three times in a row, all the way through the world. But but but these people are do a better side of me than the real me. These people deserve the better Nick than the ri more than the real Nick, don't you think?

SPEAKER_02 2:32

Can you so anyone out there knowing that you're listening to the better Nick, can you email us at reversejackass at gmail.com and tell us tell us what that's like. Tell us if it's uh if it's convincing.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

And and compelling also.

SPEAKER_02 2:49

And compelling. Yeah. Just give us some feedback. Give nice Nick the best Nick some some feedback and tell me, tell me where I'm falling short. Oh God, please tell her where she's falling short.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

Even if it's speculative, even if you're even if it's just ways that you think she might be falling short, but you don't know because you're editing on the podcast, just let it happen. Evelyn thrives on criticism of all kinds. Yeah, yeah. So don't feel don't feel like you need to make it nice either. Just give it in the most unalloyed, straight from the hip kind of way that you can. Um, and Evelyn and I will thank you for it.

SPEAKER_02 3:25

I am not highly sensitive at all. So this won't damage me for weeks on end.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

Maybe. Definitely won't be something um that I repeat over and over again in my head until the day I perish.

SPEAKER_02 3:41

That's correct. Oh my gosh, Nick, stop getting us off track. Would you please introduce? I know, I gotta focus. I gotta focus.

SPEAKER_01 3:47

Okay, so today is we're gonna talk about food, right? Oh, yes, finally. So when I was in grad school, I had a concentration in substance abuse and co-occurring disorders, aka addiction. And one of the assignments that we were given at the beginning of the semester was that we were to give up something not that we were addicted to, but something that we indulged in a lot and that was, you know, important to us or that we sort of relied on for the course of the semester and see what it was like so that we could get a taste of what it's like for somebody to have to give up something that's a cornerstone of their life, like um, you know, like drugs, alcohol, any addiction, right? Okay. So faced with that assignment, I gave up fast food, which was a mainstay in my diet, you know, in part because I love it and in part because I was, you know, like driving all over the place. And so for that semester, I gave it up. And then I was faced with feeding myself um without my main thing, my main, you know, go-to, right? Yeah, yeah. So I had to learn how to cook and I didn't really know how to cook. So uh I knew how to make this one casserole and I did that. And then I learned how to make quinoa, which turned out to be easier than I thought it was gonna be. Um, and then as I started to get better at it, then I discovered what I really like to make, as well as what I really like to eat, which, as you know, is desserts. Yes. You know, I love to bake. Um to make pies, those are my specialties. If I could make prettier cakes, I would make more cakes because I would love cake even more than pie. Uh have cookie recipes. I love all that shit. I make a pineapple upside down cake that it'd blow your fucking mind, right? I bet it would if I had ever had any. I know. I'll have to make it next time, next time that you're out. Yeah. Um I might maybe I'll make one today. I did one one time, and this is where I'm not a very creative person, but I did one one time and I called it the blue Hawaiian, and it was I soaked all the pineapple in Curacao for like a couple days ahead of time. What I found out, and this is basic color theory, is that it didn't turn them blue. It sure didn't. What did it turn them? Green. Green. Yeah. So green pineapple slices with um, I should have called it like a Yuletide pineapple upside down cake. But it was tasty as hell, despite the fact that it was very easy on the eyes.

SPEAKER_02 5:54

Yep. Yeah, yeah, very innovative. That's good.

SPEAKER_01 5:56

That's really good. I did that. I made and you know, I get my recipes off the internet. I made a cherry bomb cake that I found a recipe for that for my birthday one year, and I had to buy special because the the recipe was only in European like grams and by weight. I had to buy special implements to like measure the ingredients by grams instead of by volume.

SPEAKER_02 6:18

For the rest of Canada listening, I think we call that a food scale.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Yes, but in this instance, it actually was like a beaker, interestingly enough. And I like went and bought it specifically at whatever the kitchen store is around me. Yeah, it was it's it's interesting. And I do own a food scale as well, which is okay, okay. Um, so a lot of stuff. And I will, you know, I'm less into it now because I've I've kind of done everything. I think like I've gotten to the plateau where I'm probably not gonna get any better at it, right? And also like now that I don't weigh tables anymore, like, you know, I'm getting a lot less, a lot fewer steps in during the day than I would have done. So I don't need to be having pies and cakes around the house all the time, right? But I still love it. And I found my main recipe source. Um, and I'm gonna give a little plug here to Sally's Baking Addiction, um, which is this wonderful website with very accessible, fun recipes. She's written a couple books, those are great. Um, just can't get her to return my emails for love and money, but I love the um the recipes and they're fantastic, right? Sally, Sally, we need you. When I'm famous now, will you pay attention to me?

SPEAKER_02 7:17

You have a fan here who is just desperate for your attention.

SPEAKER_01 7:22

So I've been referred to as the darling of the CBC. By who? Uh Matt Allen.

SPEAKER_02 7:31

Oh, oh, behind the you guys got an email chain going on. Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

We uh we cut you out of that a long time. It wasn't relevant to you, it wasn't stuff you needed to see, but yeah, fair and both uh the the kind author who wrote the article about us.

SPEAKER_02 7:44

Yeah, Michelle.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

Um Michelle both, yeah. I um yeah, we've kept going. And you know, they're they're lively about my relationship with the CBC. We're workshopping ideas.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

Um Wow, that I can't wait to see you show up on CBC Gem someday. That's gonna be great.

SPEAKER_01 8:01

I gotta tell you, Evelyn, I won't soon forget you.

SPEAKER_02 8:05

You know, that's the validation I didn't know I needed today. That is so so kind of you. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

So a kindness is kind of my my uh mark. Yeah. So all this is to say that Sally's Baking Addiction yielded this incredible recipe for chocolate chip potato chip cookies.

SPEAKER_02 8:26

Oh, yes, that's your specialty. That is one of your specialties.

SPEAKER_01 8:29

That's one of my specialties. Thanks to Sally. Fantastic cookies, big, thick, delicious. They have chocolate chips, they have crumbled, um, like ruffled potato chips in them. They have, you know, you can put with the third ingredient whatever you want. Sometimes you use butterscotch, sometimes white chocolate, peanut butter chips, you know, all kinds of shit, right? Great, great cookies. So I went to a wedding last year and I caught up with some college friends that I hadn't talked to in a long time, and we were talking about this recipe. And they were like, It's potato chips. And I was like, Yeah, adds a little bit of salt, a little bit of structure, a little crisp, it's great. And they were incredulous. And they said, So what kind of chips do you use? And I said, just regular potato chips, ruffle potato chips. And they said, Well, you've messed around with all the other ingredients. What if you were to branch out with other kinds of chips? And I was like, I don't know that other kinds of chips would be great, given their flavors for that. And they were like, Well, how would you know? And I said, You know, you make a great point. Yeah, I'll I'll make a deal with you. I will make these cookies with a chip of your choice if you pledge to try them. Okay. And they said yes. And they selected Cool Ranch Doritos.

SPEAKER_02 9:32

Oh, okay. Okay, like we had so many other places we could go first instead of Cool Ranch Doritos.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

But I think the point was not to go anywhere second, right? I think the point was they wanted this to be funny the first time. They weren't really interested in how far this could go. That being said, I also challenge you to think of a flavor other than plain potato chips that would really crush in a chocolate chip cookie, right? Like sour cream and onion, no barbecue, no cheddar cheese, no, like none of these is actually a good fit except for plain potato chips.

SPEAKER_02 10:05

Well, my first my first thought was cheddar. Like something cheesy, not cheese and onion, but like a full-blown cheddar. Like I think of things like Chicago mixed popcorn.

SPEAKER_01 10:17

Chicago mixed popcorn? What is that?

unknown 10:19

What?

SPEAKER_02 10:20

Uh like it's a bag of popcorn that has both caramel clusters and cheddar clusters.

SPEAKER_01 10:28

Oh. What do you call that? Uh I I popcorn that has half caramel and half cheddar. Like, we didn't name it after one of our cities.

SPEAKER_02 10:37

You guys could well, we named it after one of your cities.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

We could name it after one of your cities. Let's what what's a good Burnaby popcorn? Cool Ranch Dorito chocolate chip cookies. And so I made them and I shipped them to my friends. Uh, I tried one because um, even though I had misgivings about it, um I thought it would be worth it. So, Evelyn, I want to ask you, what do you think on a scale of zero to ten, where zero is the worst, absolute most foul thing that you've ever tasted, all the way up to 10, which is the most delicious ambrosia that you've ever ingested in your life. Where do you think Cool Ranch Dorito chocolate chip cookies fell?

SPEAKER_02 11:15

Hmm. Is this the prompt?

SPEAKER_01 11:18

No. I was like the prompt is like you're gonna answer it with a number. Okay, and then we're gonna call it. Some neighbors are besties. I'm just gonna, I'm gonna actually like, I'm gonna start reducing your participation in this by making all my prompts like single-word answers. So, Evelyn, yes or no? Okay, everybody. Thanks. Have a good week.

SPEAKER_02 11:37

You know, we're gonna do it sometime. Okay, okay. What number do I think that would be? Okay, I gotta get in the headspace. So this is a it's a puffy chocolate chip. Like it's it's thick.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

It's a thick.

SPEAKER_02 11:48

We're not it's a soft, it's a soft cookie. It's soft, yeah. So it's not one of the hard crunchy ones. Yeah, right. Not hard, crunchy, buttery, chocolate chips. I'm gonna say, like, I love I love salty sweet. Like, I'm a big fan of that combo.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

I don't sprinkle of sea salt on the top if that helps you.

SPEAKER_02 12:06

Oh, well, I don't know if that would help me with this. Like in this scenario, like I feel like that would be great with the original ruffles potato chip scenario. I'm thinking, I'm thinking I'm gonna give that a I'm gonna give it like a two.

SPEAKER_01 12:22

Okay. The actual answer was it was a negative 200 million.

SPEAKER_02 12:28

I didn't know it was a I didn't know I was guessing an actual number.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

It was so foul. Yeah. It was beyond foul. And the only satisfaction I got out of it was that my stupid friends had to try it too. Yeah. Um as punishment for them trying to make fun of me. It was as bad as the original cookies are good. It was fucking vile. Um, so aside from being fodder for this podcast, I would say the experiment was a terrible failure. My question for you, Evelyn, is what is the biggest risk you ever took?

SPEAKER_02 12:57

Oh, oh, that's yeah, that's real good, Nick. That's really good. You know, I'd I'd have to say, like, and this is maybe more of a serious answer than we typically attach on here, but I'm sure we'll find some humor in it. Leaving an 18-year career of teaching would be the biggest risk I ever took. We will find some fun in that.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

Yeah. Tell us about leaving an 18-year career and teaching music.

SPEAKER_02 13:20

Yeah, I was a high school teacher. Well, you know this, I'm telling everyone. So you can zone out for about three and a half.

SPEAKER_01 13:25

Like you taught high school, or you were like Doogie Houser music teacher.

SPEAKER_02 13:29

Well, both. Uh, when I was teaching, I was only 15 and a half when I started. I was what they call uh called then as a a yeah, an educational prodigy, really. Like in high school, my own teachers were like, She's too good for this side of the grade book. She surpassed me. She has become the master. Let's get this girl in the classroom on the other side of the lectern. So, no, I taught um at a high school in the music department. Well, and other subjects too, but irrelevant. 18 years. And then something in me was like, nope, that's done now. And then so I left.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

Is there a vaguer version of the story that you would care to tell us all?

unknown 14:11

You know.

SPEAKER_01 14:14

Let me just let me just parrot this back to you. So I taught, I taught music and also other subjects that will be unnamed for 18 years. And then one day I had an inkling that I should stop doing it. And so I stopped doing it. Let me just tell you, fucking Cormac McCarthy over here, really, really pulling me in to a powerful narrative. I feel like I can taste the air.

SPEAKER_02 14:36

In that stale classroom? Is that what stale classroom?

SPEAKER_01 14:39

You know what's you know what's so funny is that I'm glossing over it because I there's a little bit of me that's like, nah, everyone knows this, which is so silly because obviously not you're betting on us not having anybody that doesn't know us listening to this podcast, which is maybe a fair bet, but but we should we should think bigger.

SPEAKER_02 14:57

Yeah, we should okay. So um, I don't know where to dig deeper on that. It was, I mean, like being a therapist, I'm sure, can be described as an identity career. So, you know, it's well, for some of us, for those of us who are good at it. Teaching as an identity career, I don't understand. Teaching is an identity career, like a career that you associate with your identity. Got it. Okay, that makes sense. I didn't understand what you meant.

SPEAKER_01 15:23

Okay, got it.

SPEAKER_02 15:23

Yeah, teaching is we would like to do it.

SPEAKER_01 15:25

That's one of those things you walk out and you tell people that you do it, right?

SPEAKER_02 15:27

Yes, yes, and it's easily understood. Like that's the thing, right? If I say I'm a teacher, you say I'm a therapist, people already have a preconceived notion, which is at least 50% correct of what you do, right? Like they don't have the ins and outs.

SPEAKER_01 15:41

People don't know what the fuck I do. That's the joke of it, is that nobody knows. It's really funny, and I don't mean this in a shitty way. Like, people know what it's like to be a therapy client, but people have the weirdest fucking notions of what I do. But I hear you, like at least people know people can imagine me sitting in my chair, uh hurting people. Yeah, got it. Hurting, just being silly.

SPEAKER_02 16:00

Oh, I was like, hurting or hurting. Harming people, yeah. Well, that's just the same thing as teachers do. We just do it in groups of 30, and everyone's under the age of 18. So it makes it even cooler. That is so sinister. Okay, yeah, yeah. Uh, so I taught high school. I knew I wanted to teach high school ever since I was, I would say halfway through university. That's when I decided I wanted to be a teacher. It just made sense. I knew that's what I was gonna do. I taught at three separate schools during my entire career. A lot of a lot of times to be fired. Yes, I just kept coming back. I'm the Canadian blade now, but they used to call me the Thames Valley Boomerang, is what they call. Did you just come up with that? I did, I really did. It was it was good, eh? Yeah, um, well, that's at least what it says on my file in HR. Uh so I I loved it, and I think it's worth saying the old cliche, I loved it until I didn't. And I left at the end of January 2022 and mid-school year, like a month school year, end of semester one, which is something I swore I would never do. Like every single part about me leaving seemed to kind of go against things that I thought I really valued. So, like, I really valued finishing well. And I say that not even really understanding what that meant. I think in the moment that meant me finishing no matter how many of my limbs were broken, and I and I was dying. And I need to know what you're snickering at.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

I'm imagining you when you say I did it the opposite way. I'm imagining you, and I'm gonna challenge you to do this before the end of the episode, just delivering a really soulful impromptu song where the only words are fuck you. Like just like a like a final address to the classroom, just like fuck.

SPEAKER_02 17:47

Okay, I'll I will. I'll see what I can come up with. Yeah, leaving mid-year. I had projects on the go still that I was involved in. So, like all of these things, like nothing was a clean ending, other than in my gut, I knew that it was it's really hard to tell a serious story when you're smirking like a joke. Would you mind just turning? You know what? Turn and face the wall behind you. Can you just turn and face the wall? Okay, well, Nick is turning and face in the wall. So it was a huge risk because teaching's the golden handcuffs. Uh here in Canada, teachers make a ton of money, right? The benefits are great, the pension's great, blah, blah, blah. Great job security. But I I could not deny that maybe 10% of it was making me happy, and the other 90% of me was completely burnt out. A relentless gambling addict. A relentless well, that was me. Okay, 80% of me was a relentless gambling addict. And this is the second time in our friendship that you have actually made a reference to me being a gambling addict. I'm sorry, am I not supposed to tell people about that? No, I told like I told you that in a moment of vulnerability. I'm sorry. It was a huge risk because I left and I left not knowing what I was going to. I didn't even know. I just had a really strong desire to be more creative. I wanted more autonomy in my work. I wanted something where it wasn't being controlled by some kind of governing body that absolutely it needs to be burnt to the ground before it could ever be effective in rebuilding itself. And and just the red tape, the hypocrisy, the all that's nonsense that some people are really able to stuff to the side and focus on the good things that are in the classroom. And there are so many things that we can't even get to in this podcast, but I just could not do that anymore. And I am a person that lives to be true to myself and what I know in my gut, and just to be authentic, and I want to live my life to the the fullest and the deepest that I possibly can. And teaching was just no longer doing that for me. So I left. I I I left and I just waited. I I waited excitedly to see what was next. Yeah. And then I developed a raging gambling addition.

SPEAKER_01 20:03

And then I'm in the casinos entered my mind.

SPEAKER_02 20:06

And then, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:08

And now I'm doing all kinds of stuff. I'm making a podcast. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:11

It's not a burn.

SPEAKER_01 20:13

Suck it.

SPEAKER_02 20:13

Well, fat fuckers. So I'm gonna, I'm going to, I'm going to reframe it into not a burn so much as it is I have opportunities now that I did not have before. Well, because of the risk that I took.

SPEAKER_01 20:30

Sure. And to all of you cowardly motherfuckers out there just hiding behind your musical stand.

SPEAKER_02 20:38

I'm so much better than you.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

That's a good song. That why did why isn't that the theme song to this podcast? It's like do out of like, I'm better than you. No, I'm better than you. All right. So, Evelyn, great answer.

SPEAKER_02 20:51

I feel like I had a I had a good story to tell, and it was a challenge to get it out. I'm sorry. Oh, I didn't depressive. I didn't say because of you. You're owning that on your own.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

Okay, but is that the truth that I make it hard to say? I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 21:05

Yeah, it's uh no, it's okay.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

We bust balls on this podcast. That's what we know, but is there a part of the story that you wanted to get to that I didn't make room for?

SPEAKER_02 21:12

Oh no. Okay. No. If you want to know anything more of the story, email us. Email me. Leave Nick out of this. He's got enough email chains that I'm not a part of on his own. So Canadian Blade uh 6969 at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

So, Evelyn, I'm gonna ask you to sing us out.

SPEAKER_02 21:28

Wait, this is done already?

SPEAKER_01 21:30

We can talk more if you want to. I don't know. I assume we got to 20. I like it.

SPEAKER_02 21:33

We probably have. How long? Oh, yeah, probably. That just felt really fast. And I feel like it really wandered. I thought you were gonna ask me what like my favorite thing to bake was. But what's your favorite thing to bake? Well, see, I don't know. I don't even know why I brought that up because I don't have an answer to it. Evelyn, great addition to this already shit fest of a podcast episode that you've I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

Did this feel like a shit cat? I actually feel bad. I think I got in your way and made your story hard to tell.

SPEAKER_02 22:02

No, you didn't at all. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 22:03

Oh no, I'm being serious right now. You didn't.

SPEAKER_02 22:05

No. I wish I had a funnier answer to it.

SPEAKER_01 22:08

Well, but sometimes like the experience, I mean, we had a lot of fun laughing at the end. Oh, that's true. Right? That is true. I mean, yeah. It's a little like improv if you're like focused on making it funny, then it's bad.

SPEAKER_02 22:17

I know. That is that is a good point. That is a good point. Yeah, okay. It's good. I'll be watching this back and it'll be better than I I am remembering it. Like it always- You're remembering this being bad, it was a good story. No, I know, no, you're no, no. I'm realizing I went into this with expectations and I don't know which ones I had. So I think I just need to just accept it for what it is. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 22:36

Would you be willing to do me and the people a favor and sing us off with your farewell address to the classroom?

SPEAKER_02 22:42

It wasn't to the classroom. Oh this would be to all of the bloated managerial and administrative layer that exists at the top. Yeah. Okay. Burn it down. Can you give me a starting note, please? Uh some neighbors are besties.

SPEAKER_01 23:02

Others quarrel bitterly. Stuck together through geography. One of us has nukes. And the other has tokes.

SPEAKER_02 23:12

It's American Canadian.